[Terry]

Why is Santa's sack always so full ?
Because he only comes once a year.


What's the difference between the Beaconsfield Mine Manager and a priest?
One got his miners stuck in a shaft, while the other gets his shaft stuck in minors.


What's black and white and red all over?
A nun in a blender


How do you know a West Coast supporter's been in your house?
Your bin's empty, your thongs are missing and your dog's pregnant.


Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to fit into the microwave?
The wheelchair


An Irishman and Englishman and an Aussie are talking about sex in a pub one night,
English bloke says "whilst having sex i stop to lick my wifes toes, she rises and inch off the bed!"
Irish bloke Says "when having sex with my wife I tickle her neck and she floats many inches above the bed!"
Aussie bloke proudly states "when I've finished having sex with my wife, I wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the Fucking roof!


Q:What's a West Coast supporter's idea of foreplay?
A:Are you awake sis?




A guy is near the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.

They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!!!!!"

[Firetorch]

Some good ones there.

[cartman]

Terry, on May 10 2007, 01:05 PM, said:

How do you know a West Coast supporter's been in your house?
Your bin's empty, your thongs are missing and your dog's pregnant.

Terry, on May 10 2007, 01:05 PM, said:

Q:What's a West Coast supporter's idea of foreplay?
A:Are you awake sis?

Terry, on May 10 2007, 01:05 PM, said:

An Irishman and Englishman and an Aussie are talking about sex in a pub one night,
English bloke says "whilst having sex i stop to lick my wifes toes, she rises and inch off the bed!"
Irish bloke Says "when having sex with my wife I tickle her neck and she floats many inches above the bed!"
Aussie bloke proudly states "when I've finished having sex with my wife, I wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the Fucking roof!

[The Big Walbowski]

Q. How do you make a hormone?
A. You fuck her!

Q. What do you call a prostitute on amphetamines?
A. A speed hump.

Q. Why is it called PMS?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Now here comes one that would never get through at the other place:

Three Chinese immigrants are looking for work, and they stumble upon an advertisement asking for a number of farm hands.

Before long, all three arrive at the farm, and the farmer tells them: "See how you go moving those bales of hay over there!", and with that, the three men proceed to do it.

Two of them manage to move the hay easily, but the third can barely budge it. So the farmer makes his decision: "You two are hired, but I'm sorry: I can't hire you!"

The third immigrant is saddened, and asks "Why not?"

And the farmer replies: "Because you are The Weakest Chink. Goodbye!"

[cartman]

The Big Walbowski, on May 20 2007, 01:56 AM, said:

Q. How do you make a hormone?
A. You fuck her!

[The Big Walbowski]

Q. Why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a light bulb?
A. BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, ALL RIGHT?

[Cyvros]

Cy cackles wildly, wiping tears from his eye.

[The Big Walbowski]

Q. How many MS admins does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Change a light bulb? We don't have the time! We're too busy banning people!

(Sorry - couldn't resist! )

[SydneySider]

The Big Walbowski, on Jul 28 2007, 03:17 PM, said:

Q. How many MS admins does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Change a light bulb? We don't have the time! We're too busy banning people!

(Sorry - couldn't resist! )

Don't you have a life?

I think this post needs to be moved to the lame jokes thread.

[The Big Walbowski]

SydneySider, on Jul 28 2007, 04:01 PM, said:

Don't you have a life?

I think this post needs to be moved to the lame jokes thread.

If I didn't, I'd be dead.

And I think you need to head back to MS and stop giving Firetorch, Brayds and myself grief for having white noses.